Death of Spouse Alters Advice Given to Medical Patients
Reborn on Her Birthday: A Shocking Turn of Events
Birthdays are usually joyous occasions. But for Cynthia Kertesz, M.D., her birthday became a turning point that marked a dramatic change in her life. Here's her harrowing tale, shared candidly with Vanessa Raymond.
Symptoms That Shouldn't Be Ignored
On my birthday, my husband, Scott, and I embarked on our favorite activity—a hike. As we ventured along, Scott complained he couldn't believe I'd picked such a challenging trail. I figured he was overexaggerating until we spotted other hikers, including a pregnant woman, tackling the same trail with ease.
When the hike ended, I noticed edema—swelling in Scott's legs—a condition triggered by issues with the heart, kidneys, or liver. As a medical doctor, my alarm bells rang loud and clear. Life was about to alter drastically.
From Imagining the Worst to Living It
We rushed to the doctor, who diagnosed Scott with nephrotic syndrome, indicating kidney damage. My mind whirled with dread, fearing a possible kidney transplant.
Two and a half weeks later, we were devastated to learn that Scott had myeloma—cancer originating in the bone marrow—and was suffering from amyloidosis, a condition resulting from the accumulation of a substance called amyloid in organs. This directly contributed to Scott's kidney damage.
Our children were just 4 and 6 years old at the time. I was hit with the crushing blow of a five to ten-year survival prediction. It felt like the worst nightmare imaginable.
And suddenly, just three and a half months later, Scott was gone.
Confronting grief was paralyzing. It wipes out your decision-making skills, and when you're dealing with multiple layers of sorrow—your own, your children's, your family's—the impact is almost unbearable.
My loved ones were a vital pillar of support, but healing took two long years. Grief is complex, and when it hits, you're hardly equipped to handle it.
Our Heartrending Story Could Save Another
Before Scott's passing, we'd already taken care of essentials like our wills and life insurance when our children were born. I cannot stress enough the importance of preparing for the unexpected. This harrowing experience made me realize I had a unique opportunity to share our story with my patients.
If our tragic tale could help even one family, it would make Scott's memory immortal.
Pediatrician, Friend, Confidant
As a pediatrician, I host numerous ‘meet and greets,’ allowing families to get to know me and understand my approach. I aim to provide valuable information during these encounters, believing that's part of my role.
One piece of advice I offer new parents is that having a child is akin to crossing the Rubicon—there's no turning back. You're stepping into an incredible responsibility, nurturing a life other than your own.
When Scott and I welcomed our first child, we sought out financial counselors to help guide us through the process. I share their insights with my patients, offering a straightforward list of actions to take:
Wills: Prepare a will, stipulating your wishes for the guardianship of your child. It's crucial to take control of this decision, ensuring it falls into capable hands rather than being left to chance.
Living Will: A living will outlines who will make medical decisions on your behalf should you be unable to do so. It's an essential part of the will-making process.
Life Insurance: Secure life insurance to protect your loved ones financially if something should happen to you. If you're a solo parent, insure yourself; if you're raising children with a partner, ensure coverage for both of you.
Documentation: Keep detailed records of all your accounts and financial documents—from retirement accounts to insurance policies—and ensure they're easily accessible to your partner or legal representatives.
Relationship Status: If you're not married, make sure your wishes are clearly documented to avoid confusion and complications should the unexpected occur.
Having a baby is a natural time for reflection and preparation. It's an ideal moment to reassess your life and put your affairs in order.
Laying it All Out
As I discuss these topics, I can see some parents begin to tune out. They nod and agree but seem disconnected. That's when I cut through the noise: "This isn't theoretical. This happened to me."
People want to believe it won't happen to them. It's understandable. But the simple truth is: tragedy can strike anyone, and when it does, being prepared makes all the difference.
I look my patients directly in the eye and tell them the truth. "This happened to me. Here's what you need to know."
- The symptoms I noticed during our hike, such as edema in Scott's legs, were a reflection of his health issues, which turned out to be nephrotic syndrome, indicating kidney damage, and later, myeloma—a form of cancer originating in the bone marrow—and amyloidosis, a condition caused by the accumulation of amyloid in organs.
- Dealing with Scott's multiple medical conditions, including cancer, during our children's early years was like navigating a harrowing health-and-wellness journey, with mental-health challenges intensifying due to the complexity of the situation.
- To help other families facing medical conditions, I've started discussing family-health issues more openly with my patients, sharing advice on creating a plan, including having a will, preparing a living will, securing life insurance, documenting accounts and financial documents, and ensuring relationship status is clearly defined to avoid complications.
- In my role as a pediatrician, I believe it's important to address sensitive topics like parenting, mental-health, aging, and health-and-wellness during patient meetings, emphasizing the need for preparedness and open dialogue when it comes to protecting family health.
