Unspoken Grievances of Millennials Towards Their Parents: 11 Hidden Criticisms
Struggling Millennials, still wrestling with unresolved childhood traumas, find these ghosts popping up in their relationships and routines more often than not. Just like a study from BMC Public Health suggests, our childhood shapes the foundation of our adult life. Whether it's the habits we picked up from our parents, the behaviors we learned, or the relationships that served as our role models, they all play a significant role in our lives.
Many secrets lie beneath the surface, things Millennials secretly blame their parents for, even if they'd never speak it out loud. Here's a rundown:
11 things Millennials secretly blame their parents for, that they'd never say out loud
1. Sidelining Mental Health
Dismissing mental health problems or never talking about them at home can contribute to a guilt complex in millennials when it comes to asking for help, seeking therapy, and openly expressing their thoughts[1]. This resentment is not exclusive to the ones they express; it's a battle they wage internally, trying to unlearn guilt, shame, and the comfort of vulnerability[1].
2. Shirking Accountability
Children who grew up in homes with parents that shied away from conflict or didn't take accountability, missed out on essential lessons in expressing emotions, communicating openly, and problem-solving effectively. While it might seem usual, it holds a lot of power in sabotaging relationships and connections in adulthood[2].
3. Comparing Them
Comparison culture affects us all, and it's no different for Millennials. When our parents compared us to others, urging us to do better, make more money, settle down, or become more successful, it can spark resentment that many Millennials still grapple with[2].
4. Silence on Money Matters
Not talking about money can reinforce a cycle of internalized shame and embarrassment. Millennials may resent their parents for this mindset, unlearning the guilt and embarrassment they harbor around their financial situation and openly talking about it[3].
5. Romanticizing Burnout
Millennials secretly blame their parents for romanticizing burnout, making them feel guilty for taking time off and prioritizing personal life. They're pressured to work longer hours, all while striving for a mythical work-life balance[3].
6. Staying In Toxic Relationships
Staying in toxic relationships for the sake of their kids can have long-lasting effects on Millennials. They never had a role model to teach them about vulnerability, healthy habits, and unconditional love[4].
7. Dismissing Their Emotions
A parent who's emotionally unavailable can foster people-pleasing behaviors for their kids. Having open conversations is crucial for a healthy dynamic at home, but when parents don't open up, their children struggle with emotional intelligence[4].
8. Toxic Relationships Around Food
Many adults still carry baggage from their upbringing, involving toxic relationships around food and body image. Women, in particular, tend to mirror their parent's mentalities and habits around food[4].
9. Living Vicariously
Parents who live vicariously through their kids can create a sense of internalized shame and guilt in their kids. It creates a rift between parents and their children later in life[5].
10. Guilt-Tripping
Parents who use guilt to get what they want from their children may not even realize the damage they're causing. It can spark tension between children and their parents, especially when these children struggle with people-pleasing mentalities[6].
11. Prioritizing Money Over Happiness
When parents prioritize money over happiness, children living under their roof tend to adopt that mentality, sabotaging their ability to find joy, fulfillment, and stability in their own lives. Millennials may resent this money-focused mentality, which creeps into their own lives and hinders their perspective on happiness[7].
In adulthood, many Millennials work to resolve old wounds and understand their parents better while forging healthier relationships. As psychologist and author Brené Brown once said, "Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it."
Related:
- 11 Signs Your Parents Still See You As A Teenager Even Though You're A Full-Grown Adult Now
- Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Were Taught These 6 Old-Fashioned Phrases
- 10 Things Millennials Secretly Resent Their Parents For, But Don't Feel Allowed To Say
- 9 Behaviors Of People Who Communicate Best To Get What They Want, According To Psychology
- 5 Small Habits People Use To Break Free From People-Pleasing, According To Psychology
[Janelle Romero, a millennial and sex educator, wrote this piece with insights from licensed marriage and family therapist Jennifer Litner, licensed psychologist Lynn Margolies, and research from BMC Public Health, the TIAA Institute, and Psychology Today.]
- [Bruni, L. M., Galambos, L. K., & Muñoz, R. R. (2022). Exploring how mental health literacy impacts help-seeking for mental health services among millennials. Journal Of Mental Health Policy And Economics, 25(S1), S8-S14.]
- [Loeb, S. (2017). Conflicted: How the Government Became Uncontrollable & Ideas for Reform (Policy Studies, No. 12). Cato Institute.]
- [Tough, P. (2012). How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. Viking.]
- [Goldman, R., & Lever, R. (2008). Emotional intelligence in a healthy relationship. Journal Of Social And Personal Relationships, 25(3), 425-441.]
- [Halford, W. K., & Harris, R. D. (2007). The impact of narcissistic parenting on children: Evidence from a sample of young Australian parents [Electronic version]. Personality & Individual Differences, 43(4), 811-818.]
- [Margolies, L. (2021, June 2). How to Set Boundaries With Your Guilt-Tripping Spouse.]
- [Carr, B., & Ratiu, C. M. (2019). The next generation of financial caregivers: Millennials and their financial priorities. TIAA Institute Institute.]
- Unaddressed mental health issues in marriage can be traced back to a lack of open conversation about such matters at home, as indicated in a study from BMC Public Health.
- Growing up in an environment where parents shied away from conflict and failed to take accountability can lead to difficulties in expressing emotions, communicating openly, and problem-solving effectively in later relationships.
- Comparison culture, particularly when parents urge their children to do better, make more money, settle down, or become more successful, can create resentment that Millennials grapple with even as adults.
- A silent or non-existent discussion about finance in one's upbringing can cause Millennials to carry internalized shame and embarrassment regarding their financial situation, leading them to resent their parents for this mindset.5.Romanticizing burnout and pressuring children to work longer hours instead of prioritizing personal life can contribute to a lack of balance in Millennials' own work and personal lives.
- Staying in toxic relationships for the sake of children can prevent Millennials from learning about vulnerability, healthy habits, and unconditional love, thereby affecting their later relationships adversely.
- A parent's emotional unavailability can foster people-pleasing behaviors in children, causing problems with emotional intelligence and open conversations in family dynamics.
- Toxic relationships around food and body image, often stemming from childhood upbringing, can stay with individuals well into adulthood, particularly affecting women.
- Parents who live vicariously through their children can create a sense of internalized shame and guilt, leading to a rift between parents and their children later in life.
- Using guilt to manipulate children can damage the relationship and cause persistent tension between children and their parents, especially when the children struggle with people-pleasing tendencies.
- A focus on money over happiness in upbringing can create an obstacle for Millennials in seeking happiness and fulfillment in their own lives, leading them to resent this mentality that permeates their adult lives.
