Waiting for a spouse to sort out their life: Is there still hope for a stay-at-home husband, or has the opportunity passed by?
In New York, a writer finds herself in a challenging situation, having been separated from her husband since September 2020. Despite their shared living space, their relationship remains strained, with the husband's history of alcoholism and questionable commitment to personal growth and employment.
The writer, who is the breadwinner, pays for every date night and family trip, yet does not reap the full benefits of having a husband by her side. Her husband, who quit his job of 17 years to stay home with the family after the birth of their first child in 2016, has not worked a real job since then.
The couple has two children, the first born in February 2016, and the second in May 2019. The husband's withdrawal from family and work might be a result of his alcoholism, which has been a persistent issue in their marriage.
In recent months, the husband has been sober, but his behaviour remains opposite of kind toward his family. The writer, who is seeking advice on whether her separation might lead to divorce, is also concerned about the impact on her children.
The writer is advised to take care of herself and her children, and to consider that her husband's behaviour is selfish and entitled. She is also advised to seek counsel from a therapist and a lawyer if her husband is evasive.
The writer, who is on her second marriage, has been reading the column for a long time and appreciates its reasonable and nonjudgmental advice. She is hopeful that by understanding the complexities of her situation, she can make informed decisions for her family's future.
It is important to note that there is no universally prescribed length of time a spouse should wait for their partner to find employment after a long separation and history of alcoholism. The decision depends heavily on individual circumstances, including the emotional and financial health of the waiting spouse, the progress and commitment of the partner in recovery, and the couple's mutual goals.
Counseling, support groups, and possibly couples therapy can help clarify expectations and decide on healthy boundaries. If the waiting spouse feels consistently unsupported or harmed, it may indicate that waiting longer is not beneficial.
The writer bought a house in December 2021, but the husband refuses to live with them. The husband's refusal to contribute to the household and his ongoing struggles with alcoholism have left the writer feeling trapped and uncertain about the future.
As the writer navigates this difficult time, she remains hopeful that with the right support and guidance, she can find a path forward that prioritizes the well-being of herself and her children.
- The writer, seeking to prioritize the well-being of herself and her children, contemplates the role of science and lifestyle choices in maintaining mental health, considering the potential benefits of therapy and support groups for her family's dynamics.
- Aware that relationship issues often intertwine with health-and-wellness, the writer deliberates on the impact of her husband's alcoholism on their relationships, wondering if it might be addressed through healthier lifestyle choices and personal growth.
- As the writer ponders her family's future, she reflects on the importance of open communication and relationship development in her family's lifestyle, hoping to foster a harmonious environment that supports the growth and wellness of all its members.
